


The Bridge Of Light and Dark

by idrilhadhafang



Series: The Ultimate BenPoe Rewrite [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bad Uncle Luke Skywalker, Ben Solo Angst, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kylo Ren Backstory, Luke Skywalker Is An Asshole, M/M, Male Solo, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Protective Poe Dameron, and one-sided too, from Luke that is, like if you squint - Freeform, minor Snoke/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, slow burn Ben Solo/Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-25 13:41:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14978339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: The story of Ben Solo’s fall.





	1. Practice Run

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_— trees set aflame, fire in the sky —_

_— the fallen soldiers on the ground, bloodied and twisted —_

_— a Milaran, standing over these bodies, saluting with his hand that held a sword —_

It was in the privacy of his own hut that Ben Solo shot awake. He’d been having the same nightmare for quite some time, and this night was no exception. He looked around the hut, trying to stabilize himself even as he took in his surroundings. Old holos on the wall. Things like that. 

Ben lay back on the bed, taking a deep breath even as he did so. He took out his datapad and began typing, because he would be damned if he went back to sleep, actually. He typed down every detail he could remember about the nightmare, and all the while, he envied those who actually had good dreams. 

By the stars, did he envy them. 

***

It was the next morning that Ben struggled to get through it. Sipping at his caf, nursing it gingerly, even as others chatted around him. He was certain that at least some of them were talking about him. _Must have had another nightmare, what’s wrong with him?_

It didn’t really help. And that was putting it mildly.

“Ben.” His uncle, sitting next to him in the mess hall. “Is everything okay?”

The way he spoke was enough to make Ben want to curl up on the inside. Like it was his fault he was having those terrible nightmares. He nodded. 

“You look a little frazzled.”

”Just a rough night.” And honestly, Ben didn’t trust his uncle with anything more. 

“I see,” his uncle said. “I have too.”

”Really?” Ben’s eyebrows raised in concern. 

“Yes. We all have nightmares. It just depends on what you do with them.”

Ben supposed his uncle was right. He just wondered what exactly he was going to do with his nightmares. 

***

Heading outside was an opportunity to sneak away from the others and see Poe, who was practicing with his squad. Poe had been one of the first people, if not the first person, to welcome Ben to Yavin IV when he was a boy. Poe had always struck Ben as cool and confident, not afraid of anything, such a contrast to shy, nervous, vulnerable Ben. 

Jessika Pava turned to look at Ben even as he arrived down the hill. “Hey, Ben!” she said. “Come to see the show?”

Ben smiled faintly. “Yeah.”

Poe made his way through the crowd in that moment, brushing black hair out of his eyes in that way Ben wished he didn’t do, because stang, it was distracting. When he saw Ben, his face brightened, and Ben found himself grinning, fully, back. 

“Ben!” he said. “Good to see you.”

He ran to Ben, and they talked. Ben didn’t tell him everything, about the nightmares, however. He had a feeling Poe would most likely think of him differently if he did. Poe wasn’t a Jedi; he didn’t know how terrible Ben’s dreams were, and yet Ben feared he would see him as something different, something terrible, if he said anything. 

And he couldn’t bear that thought. Not just because Poe was his friend, but also because he found himself getting occasionally fluttery around Poe. That feeling where being shy was pleasant and unpleasant all in one. 

“I’m going to be doing some practice flights,” Poe said. “You, well — ’’

”Why do you think I ditched my training?”

”Your uncle’s going to be furious,” Poe said. 

“I can deal with that." Ben said. He grinned despite himself. “Come on, Poe. Show me what you’ve got.”

 


	2. Afraidbrokenlonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben crashes at Poe’s place after a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

There was something about watching Poe’s practice flights that was enough to amaze Ben. The different spins that Poe made through the air, the different flips and dives. Things like that. It was long after Poe stopped that he landed, stumbled out, his hair endearingly messy, his eyes sparkling — and Ben thought he was the most beautiful being that he had ever seen. 

“You’re good,” Ben said. 

“I’ve been practicing,” Poe said. “Really.” Then, “You’re a great pilot yourself, Ben. Really.”

Ben smiled despite himself. Compliments from Poe weren’t rare, but he felt wonderful receiving them nonetheless. “Thank you,” he said. 

“No problem.”

They had to go back to their homes, of course, Ben to his hut and Poe to his house, but it was enough to take Ben’s mind off things for a while. 

***

It was after yet another nightmare that Ben called up Poe over the comm. It wasn’t that he wanted to necessarily talk about his nightmares. He just wanted some sort of distraction. Distractions were always good, he supposed. Distractions kept you away from the worry, the pain at hand. 

At least that was the plan. Even contacting Poe, looking into those eyes, Ben already felt like he wanted to tell him everything. 

Poe stirred, visibly trying to reorient himself to his surroundings. “Ben?” he said. “You okay?”

Ben swallowed. How was he going to even begin to explain? 

How was he supposed to say that honestly, he was afraid?

”I...” Ben trailed off. _I’m afraidbrokenlonely, and you’re so good, so pure..._

”Bad night?” Poe said softly. 

“Yes.” Ben’s voice shook a little. “I’m afraid.”

”Come over to my place, Ben. Really.”

Ben did. Poe’s house wasn’t far from the huts, actually, and even sitting in the living room with a mug of caffa, there was something terribly soothing about the whole thing. 

Poe sat across from him and Ben looked into his eyes. He had such beautiful, striking eyes. Brown eyes, expressive eyes. His smooth olive skin. His features, that seemed so very sculpted. Ben couldn’t help but feel a twitch of envy; Poe pretty much had it all, didn’t he? Beautiful, talented, outgoing, charismatic — if he wasn’t so kind and fundamentally humble and actually happy to hang out with Ben, Ben would have hated him. 

“You doing okay?” Poe said, softly. 

“It’s...” And Ben found himself shaking even as he spoke. Trembling. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Ben.” Poe’s voice was gentle even as he spoke.  He reached out, took Ben’s hands, even as Ben shook. 

“You’d think I was some sort of monster if I told you.” Ben said. 

“Ben. You’re not a monster.”

”If you...saw some of the stuff in my head...”

Poe smoothed hair out of Ben’s eyes. It was a nice feeling, and Ben leaned back into the touch. Even being touched like that was soothing. 

“Rough nights don’t make you a monster,” Poe said. “If that were the case, we’d all be monsters.”

”I guess you’re right.” Ben bit his lip. "I...” 

“You’ll never be a monster,” Poe said. “Not to me.” A beat. “Did your uncle tell you that?”

Ben sighed. His uncle had never outright said it, but he was good at implications. The way he looked at Ben, just to begin with. Like there was something lurking behind those eyes, and it wasn’t at all friendly. 

“He’s wrong.” Poe said, firmly. “You’re a good person with some rough stuff going on in your life. Really really.”

"I don’t feel like a good person."

”You are.”

”You are too.”

Poe laughed — it was a pleasant sound. Beautiful. “I try to be.” He faltered. “It’s not easy after...what I’ve done.”

”Is that why you’re awake?”

”Pretty much. I’ve had nightmares about what you’ve done so far. I signed up for the Republic fleet to defend it; I sure didn’t expect this...”

Ben’s heart ached. Poe was such a bright, luminous presence; it hurt seeing his light go out, even for a moment. 

"You did the right thing, Poe,” he said. “Don’t doubt that.”

Poe smiled weakly. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

”No matter what you’ve done, it won’t change who you are.”

They lay there on the couch, and Poe snuggled up to him, much to Ben’s delight. “You’re so strong, Ben,” he murmured. 

Ben blushed. He’d worked hard to keep himself strong and honed — a bit of perfectionism in there, trying to make himself his uncle’s best student, free from the associations of Solo, of Skywalker, just to be a good Jedi in his own right. 

Maybe if he practiced enough, it would make up for how tainted he was on the inside. 

“And so big,” Poe murmured. “I don’t know how you got so big...”

Ben chuckled. They fell asleep on the couch, Ben feeling Poe’s warm arms around him, lulling him to sleep. 


	3. Face of an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke isn’t happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Slightly based Luke’s characterization off a deleted line from TLJ referring to Ben/Kylo’s “pretty eyes”. I just wondered who would talk about their nephew like that, and...well, this happened.

It was when Ben woke up the next morning that he found himself all but tangled in Poe’s arms. He twisted a little, looked at Poe, who was still asleep, half a smile on his lips, and Ben was struck by how peaceful he looked. Poe stirred a bit before waking up, looking at Ben with a sort of fondness. 

“Morning,” Poe said, smiling, and Ben knew that he would give everything to see that smile. 

“Morning,” Ben said, and he grinned back. “You wanna get some breakfast?”

”No problem.”

Ben couldn’t say he was used to Poe’s cooking for the both of them, but it tasted amazing. “Where did you get it?” he said. 

Poe smiled a little wistfully. “One of my mother’s old recipes. She had some really good ones.”

”I can imagine,” Ben said. He took another bite. So far, that night the nightmares seemed to have ceased for the time being. It was like being with Poe was peaceful, reassuring. 

He had to go after he finished breakfast, but he thanked Poe for letting him stay. 

Poe smiled, a warm, genuine smile that made him look even more beautiful. “No problem.”

***

It was heading to the Academy that Ben was confronted by Luke. It wasn’t one of those pleasant confrontations, if there was such a thing. It was one of those confrontations where Luke actually looked angry. 

“Where were you last night?"

”I — ’’ 

“Just tell me what happened and I won’t punish you.”

Ben swallowed. What was there to say, really? “I spent the night at Poe’s house,” he said. 

Luke raised an eyebrow. “And?”

”We hung out.”

”Is that what they’re calling it now?" Luke said, softly. 

"We just hung out!” Ben said. “Is it illegal now?”

Luke looked thoughtful. Then, “Sometimes I just worry about you, Ben. I worry an awful lot.” There was something about his voice, though, that made Ben feel almost sick. 

“You don't have to worry about anything.” Ben said. He wished that he sounded as confident as he wanted to be. 

***

Long after Ben left, Luke watched him go. He couldn’t help but feel frustrated. More than frustrated — Ben was always a dishonest little thing. Capable of at least batting those pretty brown eyes at everyone, at least speaking charmingly enough, having the face of an angel, the mind of a monster. 

He may have fooled people like Han and Leia. But not Luke. Never Luke. 

*** 

It was in the privacy of his room in his hut that Ben at least had some time to think. There was something about just being around his uncle that gave Ben an uneasy feeling, and that was putting it mildly. He could feel his uncle’s disgust with him, his loathing — and yet how was he supposed to explain it to his parents? They’d probably think he was hyperbolizing. He could picture what his mother would say. _He doesn’t hate you; you’re exaggerating._ Or worse, agreeing with his uncle. Ben could still remember conversations he’d overheard between his parents, where his mother expressed fear of Ben, his father objecting to it wholeheartedly. 

He could remember. And it hurt. 

Ben closed his eyes, tried to think of Poe. How warm Poe had felt entangled around him, nestled next to him. He thought of Poe, and he settled into bed, wishing Poe was holding him right now. 

He would do what he could for that. 

 

 


	4. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe confesses his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_To say that Ben’s dreams were confusing was putting it mildly. There were flashes of violence, as there usually were, but in addition, there were flashes of Poe._

_Poe, pulling him out of the violence, the mangled bodies, eyes earnest and kind. “You’re safe, Ben, love. You’ll always be safe.”_

_Poe, lying on the bed, Ben’s bed, shirtless. Ben’s breath hitched; he shouldn’t feel so bashful about seeing another man half-naked, but Poe was practically gorgeous. Even the bit of softness on his abdomen, his deep navel, was perfect._

_“Go on, Ben,” Poe said. “Stars willing, I’ve wanted you...”_

_Ben got on the bed. The question was, in the end, where did he begin?_

Benwoke up — woke up with his half-hard shaft stirring against his sleep pants. It was still early morning, and thankfully his uncle was still asleep. Thank the stars. Ben didn’t want his uncle witnessing his attempts to assuage his growing erection. 

He started with his nipples, massaging them carefully, feeling them pebble under his hands. In his mind, Poe was doing it, all of it, and —

It was then that he felt a familiar presence in his mind. Too familiar. The darkness. The shadow. He drew off, looked around —

— there was no one there.

But he could feel the presence, he could swear, even as he got back into bed. 

***

The next morning was awkward. Ben spent most of the time avoiding Poe, and focusing on sparring. It was ridiculous, but he didn’t know else to broach the subject to Poe. Or Luke. The best he could do was not try and fall asleep during the day. It was enough to keep the nightmares at bay. For the moment. 

It was after the day ended that Poe confronted him. “Ben,” he said, “Did I do something wrong?”

Ben shook his head. “It’s just...awkward, is all.”

"What do you mean? What’s awkward?”

”Poe...I think my feelings for you are...more than just friends.”

Comprehension dawned on Poe’s face. Then he practically embraced Ben. “Thank the stars. I thought I would...I thought I would lose you...”

”Lose me?”

”I love you, Ben." 

And even that realization, that revelation, was enough to mean everything. 


	5. Tell It In Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe’s relationship begins, and Ben’s nightmares continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

There was something about the matter of being in love that was addictive. Ben had rolled his eyes at the cheesy love songs that had compared love to drugs, even made jokes about them, but he supposed that in the end, they were pretty similar. He couldn’t get enough of Poe, soft lips against his own, fingers running through his hair, whispers in secret places that were their own, where no one could reach them. 

In the midst of their meetings, Ben still had nightmares. Nightmares about the shadowy figure, about violence, about so much, actually, that Ben had to capture it in his paintings. He could never show Uncle Luke the paintings. Uncle Luke would think that he was some sort of monster, like he always did. 

He could tell Poe about it, though. 

“Do you know what he looks like?” Poe said, after Ben had described one of his nightmares. 

Ben shook his head. “I wish I knew.” He took out one of his paintings in progress, where the figure was deep in the shadows, a pair of cold blue eyes, a splash of color in the darkness...and nothing more. 

Poe squinted at it. “You can really paint, Ben,” he said. 

Ben sighed. “I’ve been practicing,” he said. “I actually...” He felt heat rush to his cheeks even as he spoke. “I actually made some paintings of you. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy.”

”No,” Poe said. “Not at all. Can I see them?”

Ben produced the snapshots of the paintings. They had been almost idealized portraits of Poe. There had been something in Ben where he had almost seen Poe as some sort of angel with birds perched on his shoulder, and flowers sprouting under his feet...

Okay, that was an exaggeration. But Ben had really felt that way about Poe. That there was something precious, something untouchable. Something about Poe that had been perfect...

”They’re nice,” Poe said. Then, with a slight smile, “I’m not perfect, though. I’m kind of a mess myself.”

”Nightmares?”

“You could call it that,” Poe said. “But someone’s gotta go out and be the hero.”

”I wish there was something I could do.”

”Ben,” Poe said. His hand cupped Ben’s cheek. “You just being here is enough.”

They sat together, and for the moment, Ben knew that having Poe by his side, he could do anything. And he would do anything to protect Poe, no matter what. 

***

Poe had to leave for the next mission, of course. Ben knew why, of course, but it didn’t necessarily make it easier. He couldn’t help but worry for Poe, even though Poe was far from delicate and could take care of himself. 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Poe said. He smiled a little crookedly. “Don’t worry about me.”

”I know.” Then, “I love you.”

Poe’s smile became broad, warm, making him look even more beautiful. “I love you too. And don’t forget that, because I will be back.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Ben said. “I already know.”

 


	6. Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe goes on a mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Something about being apart from Poe felt a lot like an amputated limb or a missing memory — mostly because you felt strange without the limb or the memory, actually. You survived, but always with the feeling that there was something that was supposed to be there. 

That was how Ben felt about being parted from Poe. He thought it was bad before, but this was something else. Ben managed on his own, of course, but in his heart, he kept it open and ready for Poe to return. 

***

It was on the mission that Poe discovered the old text. It must have been, at least back from the days that people didn’t use datapads. He didn’t know what it meant, but it was worth picking up, at least. There was one word that stood out to him. Ren. 

Poe didn’t know what it meant. He knew it probably wasn’t good. 

***

The mission ended, and Poe was left alone with his thoughts. Kare and Snap had already gone off to spend time with each other, and Jess had gone off to review some of the documents on her datapad. That left Poe with himself, and the comm system.

He accessed the comm system, where he rang up Ben’s house. Even seeing Ben’s face again, it was enough to lift Poe’s spirits. Ben looked tired, so very tired, but still incredibly gorgeous. Ben had called himself ugly once, but Poe couldn’t even remotely see that. There was something about Ben’s eyes, for example, terribly expressive and lovely. His freckles. His hair. He didn’t have to be cookie cutter handsome or anything like that. He was just Ben.

Ben smiled, and there was something about that which was enough to make him look even more beautiful, at least in Poe’s opinion. “Poe!” he said. “How was the mission?”

”It went well,” Poe said. “I think that we found another piece of the puzzle, actually.”

Ben leaned forward, almost rapt.

”Well, I found some journals of something called ‘ren’.”

”Ren.” Ben repeated it almost like he was trying to place where he’d heard it before. Then, “Did you send it in the report?”

”Not yet.” Poe swallowed. “I just had to see you. How are the nightmares?”

”Still bad.” 

“I’m sorry,” Poe said. “I wish there was something I could do to help.” 

He wished in that moment that he could reach out and touch Ben. Comfort him. Damn the screen that acted as a barrier. 

He placed his fingertips to his lips before touching them to the screen. The closest he could get, really, to kissing Ben. Ben smiled again, faintly. 

“I miss you,” Poe said. 

Ben’s smile was warm, almost radiant. “I know,” he said. “I miss you too.”


	7. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The good thing about Poe being absent was that it was inevitable that he would come back. Even as he waited near the hangar, Ben waited for Poe’s ship to touch down.

Poe would be here, any moment now. Ben’s uncle said that it was foolish to think about Poe, that it was a distraction, but Ben couldn’t say that there was anything necessarily bad about what he shared with Poe.

No. There was nothing bad about what he shared with Poe at all.

The ship landed, and Poe exited it, practically ran towards Ben. Ben drew him in for an embrace, and he inhaled Poe’s scent, X-wing grease and engines like it always was. Like he liked it.

Eventually, he drew away, and he looked Poe in the eye, beaming. “I missed you,” he said. “How was the mission?”

Poe filled him in on the mission even as they walked back to Poe’s house, BB-8 casually rolling alongside them. Ben couldn’t help but watch him; Poe captivated him, at times, like the Force never could. In ways the Force never could. Poe was someone out of a fairytale, black curly hair and a bright smile and bright eyes. Ben, meanwhile, was the man wondering how he was so lucky, so blessed, to have someone so perfect love him back.

They entered the house, and Ben sat down on the couch. Poe sat next to him, BB-8 wheeled up at their feet. 

“So,” Poe said, “Where do we start?"

”I think we definitely have some reuniting to do...”

Poe laughed, brightly, and grinned. “I like the way you think.”

They scattered clothes and kissed and nuzzled at flesh, and it felt right, actually. Like they were meant to be together, not only emotionally, but physically. Melting into one another, even as they ground their hips against each other and groaned and ached. Ben looked up at his lover, watched his face, his closed eyes — even as their shafts ground together.

It wasn’t enough. Ben wanted more. He wanted Poe to touch him, to enter him. “Please, Poe.” He managed to whisper it in between the grinding and groaning that they were engaged in. “Please...I need...”

”What do you need?”

“Enter me. I need you.”

The lubricant was on the table, and even as Poe prepared him, Ben all but impaled himself on those clever fingers, keening all the while. Finally, Poe kissed him lightly, before entering him, and oh, it felt so good, it was perfect, these thrusts and strokes, and Poe murmuring about how he missed him. “You’re perfect. A perfect fit...”

Ben came all over Poe’s hand, and Poe later released inside him, filling him up. Poe withdrew from him, kissed him, and then collapsed on his chest. 

It was when the both of them lay in the afterglow of their joining that Ben could swear he felt like someone was in the room with him and Poe. He pulled Poe closer, instinctively, trying to shield him, trying to keep him safe. 

“Ben?” Poe said softly. “Are you okay?”

”Yes. I just...” How was he supposed to explain to Poe that he had felt someone in the room with them, as clearly as he felt Poe right now? In the end, he said, rather weakly, “I just want to hold you.”

”No complaints from me.” 

Poe snuggled in Ben’s arms, and Ben stroked his hair, promising himself that nothing would hurt either of them, not as long as Ben was here. 

 

 

 

 


	8. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke still isn’t happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was early in the morning that Ben snapped awake from a nightmare. It was a nightmare about a man in a mask, an almost avian-looking mask, marching across the ruins of a planet with stormtroopers following his lead. There had been so much destruction in that dream...

Ben was more than relieved when he woke up and found that he was in Poe’s living room, safe and sound. He found himself clutching Poe harder, like he was terrified of Poe slipping from his arms.

Thank the stars. Poe was safe, and he was safe too. 

Poe stirred in his arms, looked up at Ben. “Ben,” he murmured, “What time is it?”

Ben sighed. He checked the chrono. “Four oh hundred. And so help me, I’m not falling back asleep."

”What happened?”

Ben swallowed. 

Poe kissed his cheek. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

That was good. He loved Poe with all his heart, but how was he supposed to explain all this, any of this, actually?

”You deserve better than me.” Ben murmured. 

“Ben. I _love_ you. It has nothing to do with deserving. I’m here because you’re everything to me, always.”

And for a moment, Ben thought, he believed it. 

They stepped in the shower, and Ben couldn’t help but admire Poe’s body even as he did so. Poe didn’t look like one of those men in porn or in magazines or holos, but Ben found he preferred Poe’s body. The men in porn, magazines, holos or porn magazines or porn holos were hardly as appealing as Poe’s wide hips and soft hint of a belly, and Ben found himself admiring his lover even as he turned on the water. 

They were both sticky. They had to be cleaned off. And after their honestly perfect reunion sex, Ben couldn’t wait. 

“I’ll go first,” Ben said, and Poe nodded. 

Ben used soap to clean Poe’s body, circling with his fingertips even as Poe sighed contentedly, washing away sweat and grunge and general stickiness from his lover’s perfect form. He washed Poe, lavishing attention on his body, including that hint of a belly that really was just charming. A reminder that Poe really was just human. 

 Poe didn’t say anything, though the noises that he made were definitely proof that he was enjoying all this. 

Then Ben knelt, looking, really looking, at how Poe’s shaft curled up near his belly even as he gasped under Ben’s touches. Ben wet his lips, already anticipating how Poe’s shaft, his long shaft, would fit in his mouth. 

“What do you need?” Poe said. 

“I want to pleasure you,” Ben said to Poe. “With my mouth.”

Poe swallowed. Then, “Please.”

Ben took his time, teasing, lavishing attention on Poe’s belly, his pelvis, his thighs, before finally taking Poe into his mouth. Poe tasted salty, but it was Poe, and Ben pleasured him with his mouth and tongue even as Poe leaned against the shower wall, panting. 

Ben looked up, and it was there that he saw Poe pressed against the wall, his face contorted in pleasure. He murmured something that sounded like “perfect” and other forms of praise towards Ben even as Ben continued his ministrations, and Ben soaked in the praise. To know that he was perfect in Poe’s eyes...that was too wonderful to be true, and yet Ben accepted it with everything he had. 

“Ben...unless you want — ’’

“I want this,” Ben said. “Come inside me.”

Poe did, and Ben swallowed it down eagerly.  He doubted he’d ever have enough of this, not once, not ever. 

Ben got up off his knees long after he had swallowed down the last of Poe’s release, and Poe drew him into his arms. 

“You did so well,” Poe said. “Stars, Ben...”

They dried off and dressed, and got to breakfast. Poe looked so endearing with his wet tousled hair that Ben loved him more. They had to get to the Academy and the flight school (for Ben and Poe respectively) but for now, they could enjoy each other’s company. 

***

 The Academy was up ahead, and Ben wondered if the fact that he and Poe had made love earlier, that he had pleasured Poe, stood out all over him. 

 He made his way up the path. Even as he entered the Academy, he wondered if it stuck out all over him, that sort of pleasure, what he had done with Poe and was still doing. 

The others were deep in conversation. Ben absently wondered if it was about him. The way that they looked at him. And then there was the way that Uncle Luke looked at him, with such disgust. At least, Ben was certain that it was disgust. 

Ben settled into his chair, wishing that for all intents and purposes he could shrink into his chair and make himself all but invisible. 

***

By the time Ben was able to leave the Academy, he was already sick with anxiety and replaying what exactly his uncle had told him in his head. 

”Just tell me what happened and I won’t punish you." And in that moment, Ben had been terrified — terrified and ashamed under his uncle’s gaze. His uncle’s thoughts battered against him like storm winds; “filthy whore” and “Dameron’s whore” being two of those thoughts. 

Now, heading to Poe’s house, Ben felt very small. He almost wished that he’d flung exactly what he’d done at Luke. (“Yes, I sucked his cock in the shower, and I loved every moment of it!”) But he had frozen. He had been almost unable to move, to speak, before Luke realized what he was doing and let Ben go. Ben’s shoulder’s still hurt where his uncle had grabbed him and shook him. 

 He walked to Poe’s house and knocked on the door. Poe answered it, BB-8 by his side. 

“Ben?” he said. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Ben swallowed. “He...”

”He found out, didn’t he?”

Ben nodded, and Poe drew him into his arms. It was a gentle embrace, not pressing too hard on where Luke’s hands had dug into his shoulders. Ben nestled against Poe’s shoulder, safe with Poe for the moment. 

 

 


End file.
